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Save the Sewer Rat Society

Dear reader: Here’s a spoof I wrote in 1972, which seems just as relevant today as it was then. The column received national attention from press and radio, including being read by Paul Harvey, yet we are doing the same stupid things today. Why, oh why, can’t we ever learn? – DP

A campaign is being launched locally which we hope will gain national attention. It’s called “Save the Sewer Rat Society.”

This society is patterned after “Save the Animals”and similar organizations, which want to promote the health and well being of the coyote and prairie dog.

The reason for founding this society is quite obvious – someday we may travel to our bigger cities back east and want to view part of our national heritage. We understand these big sewer rats in the cities are direct descendants of rats that came over on the Mayflower.

Being a country boy, I’ve never seen any of these rats and want them to be available for viewing, should I ever wish to visit a city. These rats are also a great aid to our economy since they eat a considerable amount of food that would otherwise be consumed by humans. By doing this, these lovely creatures keep the farmers in the West in business.

We hope westerners will flock to our support and write congressmen and senators asking that all efforts be taken to protect the sewer rats. All forms of poisoning of these fur-bearing animals must be stopped immediately. Our inconsiderate city cousins must immediately stop cruelly clubbing and shooting these creatures. From all indications, the sewer rat is on the decrease, posing still another threat to the eradication of a beloved, friendly animal.

It is our duty to make every effort to preserve these creatures, just in case our children or our children’s children should wish to visit the big city someday to see them in their natural state.

As is the case with the woman who came to Casper to view the “disappearing coyote” or the man on the Johnny Carson show who possessed the “only living pair” of prairie dogs, we now feel we are experts and champions of the “Save the Sewer Rat Society,” since we don’t know a darn thing about the subject.

By possessing a world of misinformation and a complete ignorance of the subject about which a person writes, or speaks, he can say anything as fact and many people will believe it.

We say, with all sincerity, “Save the Sewer Rat!”