Mark Your Calendar

By Lee Pitts

Have you ever wondered about all these holidays that shouldn’t be, like National Situational Awareness Day, National Ball Point Pen Day or National Cupcake Day?

When I heard about National Bubble Wrap Day, National Play-Doh Day and National Talk Like A Pirate Day, I just had to find out what a person has to do to get a day.

 It turns out a person like me can’t get a National Lee Pitts Day. It would have to be done by an act of Congress, and I haven’t paid off any politicians so I doubt it’s going to happen. 

But, an organization or a business can register a day, week or month with The National Day Calendar. 

I bet you’re wondering how much it costs to have a National No-Beard Day, a National Do A Grouch A Favor Day or a National Make Up Your Mind Day? 

All holidays mentioned in this column are real. 

A corporate package costs an initial $25,000, and to keep National Pop Goes The Weasel Day or National Static Electricity Day on the calendar costs an additional $2,500 yearly.

The National Day Calendar says it’s very picky in accepting new dates, and they only add 30 new ones yearly out of the 20,000 nominated. But, if they’re so picky, how have we ended up with National Get Over It Day, National Lost Sock Day, National Rat Catcher’s Day, National Step in a Puddle and Splash Your Friends Day and National Kiss And Make Up Day? 

As for me, I celebrate National Hermit Day 365 days a year. 

Some of the crazy national holidays are for good causes, such as National White Cane Safety Day and National No Bullying Day, but we really have to wonder who approved National Beheading Day. It’s on Sept. 2, and I’d say its a good day to stay close to home, as is National Lazy Day – a day everyone ought to get off work.

We celebrate National Absurdity Day on Nov. 20, but aren’t they all? And, I really wonder who paid the fee to celebrate Upsy Daisy Day and National No Bra Day, which is followed five days later by Bra Day USA.

What piqued my interest in these fake holidays was when Olive Garden promoted National Fettucine Alfredo Day, which certainly got my wife’s attention as she practically lives on the stuff. 

All sorts of foodstuffs have their own holiday, like National Coffee Day on Sept. 29, which we’re gonna need to sober up from National Beer Day the previous day. 

But, some of these days can get confusing like National Grab Some Nuts Day. Are they referring to pistachios, almonds and pecans, which already have their own days, or are they referring to something else?

What bothers me is in the first three months of the year, I only saw one day featuring beef – National Hamburger Day on March 28. 

In fact, the calendar of national food holidays runs heavy to vegetarians foods like Bloody Mary Day, Pie Day, Oatmeal Day, Chocolate Cake Day, Cereal Day, Hot Chocolate Day, Wine Day, Spinach Day, Clam Chowder Day, Ranch Dressing Day, Potato Chips Day, Eggs Benedict Day, Pretzels Day, Grilled Cheese Sandwiches Day, Sponge Cake Day, Hummus Day, Croutons Day, Hagfish Day, Ramen Noodles Day, Biscuits and Gravy Day, Trail Mix Day, French Fries Day, Toasted Marshmallows Day, Peanut Butter Day, Jelly Day and so on. 

So, where’s the beef? 

If sushi can have its day, why not flank steak? If gazpacho and date nut bread can have their day, why not National Tripe Day or National Menudo Day? 

But, I am a big supporter of National Chips and Dip Day, which falls on March 23 and also happens to be my wedding anniversary, meaning we can celebrate at Taco Bell instead of Mortons or Ruth’s Chris.

Vegetarians have lots of holidays to appropriately celebrate, like Eat All Your Veggies Day, National Vegan Day and World Vegetarian Day. Lima beans, for gosh sakes, even have their own day. 

And, policeman have all sorts of days to celebrate with National Cream Filled Donut Day, Glazed Donut Day, Cream Puff of Pastry Day and two days to celebrate National Donut Day, on the first Friday in June and in early November.

As for me, I’m looking forward to May 11, which is National Eat What You Want Day.