It’s The Pitts: Misgendered

What’s with all of these people wanting to be a member of the opposite sex? This old fogy’s world has been turned upside-down, and I’m having a terrible time properly using the more than 55 gender-neutral pronouns so I don’t offend anyone. 

I’m just saying it’s a minefield out there, and politically-correct people are just waiting to pounce on those of us who say or write something wrong so they can “cancel” us – whatever that means.

Being curious, I wondered if other species went through sex changes, and you’ll be amazed at what I discovered. 

There is a species of fish called the California sheepshead which is capable of changing its sex mid-life, but it’s from California so one would probably expect this. However, there are some more widely dispersed ocean dwellers like oysters and Clown Fish which can also change their gender.

One would think male seahorses would want to change their sex because it’s the male seahorses that get impregnated – not the females – and they can give birth to as many as 1,500 babies at a time. Whoa nelly, talk about morning sickness! Who in their right mind would want to raise 1,500 kids? 

This is why I have a hard time understanding why men want to be women. Don’t they know women have to work twice as hard for the same pay, have to raise the kids and manage the household, while the males just work their eight hours, come home, sit in their Lazy Boy and pop the top on a beer can. 

Just as Venezualian opossums can choose the sex of their baby ahead of time, there’s an old wive’s tale saying humans can select the sex of their baby by changing the orientation of their bed. 

Also, according to statistics, a human can influence the sex of their baby by what occupation they choose.

For example, if a person wants to improve the chances of having a male baby, they might want to become President of the U.S. because they have a 60 percent chance at having a son, and if they want a daughter, they should become a male abalone diver, fighter pilot or anesthetist as they have more girls than boys. 

Or, one could become a Native American like Elizabeth Warren did. A first or second-born Havasupai child is 1.3 times as likely to be a boy as a girl. But, a child born fifth or later is 1.3 times as likely to be a girl.

Scientists say the sex of Havasupai children is NOT random. And, consider after World War II in France and Britain there was a huge, bizarre increase in the proportion of boys to girls fathered by soldiers.

Bald eagles and some species of hawks know the sex of their eggs ahead of time without the aid of a sonogram because they lay the eggs of their female offspring first so they can be bigger than the males. 

And, crocodiles also have this female intuition because the sex of their babies is determined by how deep their eggs are buried. 

So as one can see, this whole sex thing is WAY more complicated than previously thought.

If I was a male Praying Mantis, one can bet their daddy long legs I’d want to change my sex because the male can’t copulate while its head is still attached to its body, so the female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off. 

Likewise, if I was female black widow spider, there’d be no way I’d want to change my sex because the female eats the male after coupling, which doesn’t sound like anyone’s idea of fun. 

But, I was shocked to discover for most living things sex is supposedly NOT a pleasurable act. In fact, humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure – tell that to bulls, dogs and rams.

Humans are also unique in that adult males and females live together, while most other species live with members of their own sex. Males only come around females for one reason and one reason only – a good, home-cooked meal.

At age 71 I’m thinking of having a sex change operation myself because male baby boomers have a life expectancy of 72 years while females live, on average, to be 76.

At my age and poor physical condition, I’d do anything to live four more years.