It’s The Pitts: I Quit

Dear Mr. and Mrs. America,

I’m not going to apologize because I broke the “woke” rules again by “misgendering” you in referring to you as Mr. or Mrs. The fact is, I just don’t care anymore about being politically correct or woke. If this angers or shocks you, so be it.

This letter is to inform you I’m handing in my letter of resignation from American society, effective immediately. I’m not giving you six weeks notice because I simply can’t stand one more minute of all the lunacy going on in our country today. 

I’ve resigned myself to think all hope is lost and our current course of self-destruction is, in their words, not sustainable.

So go ahead and condemn me in a letter to the editor, say something bad about me on your Facebook page, give me a bad rating on Yelp or “cancel” me altogether. I DON’T CARE.

If I had a kid today, I’d think twice about sending him or her to a public school, where instead of teaching the kids their ABCs, teachers are educating them about LGBTQIAs. 

Nor will I unlearn the basics of the birds and the bees. I will always believe there are only two sexes, and no matter how hard a man tries to be a woman, he will never give birth to a baby. 

I’m tired of being called a racist simply because I made the comment to my buddies at the coffee shop that “blacks are taking over.” 

What I was actually referring to was Black Angus cattle dominating today’s cattle industry, so might I suggest to the eavesdropper who scolded me she might be a lot happier if she’d quit looking for reasons to hate me because I’m a white male. 

If this is a problem, get over it, because I’m not apologizing or attempting to become a female.

I don’t judge people by the color of their skin, and you should quit judging me by my cowboy hat.

I turned off the radio a long time ago and couldn’t name a single song 50 Cent or Snoop Dogg raps or Taylor Swift sings. And while we’re on the subject, I refuse to be swayed to vote for some idiot just because a celebrity who doesn’t have the brains of a lobotomized sheep endorses them.

It’s been years since I’ve been in a theater, not because of COVID-19, but because Hollywood hasn’t produced anything I’d pay 10 cents to watch, let alone $10. This is the same reason I don’t download movies, belong to Netflix or pay for a single streaming service. 

I quit watching network television years ago because in every sitcom, movie or the news, there was an attempt to brainwash me. If I wanted to be indoctrinated, I’d go back to grammar school.

I’ve grown sick and tired of watching misfits turn our schools into shooting galleries, seeing illegal immigrants put up in four-star hotels while our Vietnam Veterans sleep in tents in sanctuary cities and listening to climate change hacks who say offshore oil wells are evil while offshore windmill farms will be our salvation. 

I can’t tell any more if people walking down the street talking to themselves are crazy or are talking on their telephone which is permanently attached to their ear like an extra appendage.

Life has become too crazy, so I’m dropping out and becoming a full-time hermit. I’m hunkering down and having as little human interaction as possible because I can’t bear one more minute of watching this once great country being destroyed from within by weirdos, whack jobs, nut cases and fruitcakes. 

So, to those preaching cow farts will cause the end of our civilization, I say, “We can only hope so.”

Long live the cow!