Dirt Road Nonsense

Nashvillians, my word for people who live and work in Nashville, have spent quite a little time this past year singing about the whimsical side of country roads. Their tunes include talk of traveling with the windows rolled down, singing your favorite country song and yackety, yack, yack, yack….
    Don’t get me wrong, I like the wide expanse between our home and nearest chunk of asphalt, but let’s be realistic. I think it’s high time some of us who live along dirt and gravel roads suggest some true-to-life lyrical content for a “Dirt Road Anthem.” If I were to write a song about country roads, here’s what I’d highlight…
1. If a car is perched atop a hill, the driver is just looking for a cell phone tower. If they’re in a draw bottom, they’re probably broke down and in need of help.
2. Traveling with your windows rolled down only works about one month out of each year. The rest of the time it’s either super cold or pretty dusty.
3. Watch the flow of the neighborhood cows. When traveling in the dark it’s nice to have a clue where the cows are and where they aren’t.
4. For our dogs’ sakes, limit the amount of stuff you send us via FedEx and UPS. It’ll cut down on traffic, plus they feed our dogs every time they pull in the yard. Given the recent arrival of a new and larger kennel (might not have needed these if the delivery visits and treats hadn’t been so frequent as of late) and heated dog beds, we’re a little suspicious that our dogs have joined the online shopping craze.
5. When the county puts down those car counter strips, do us all a favor and every time you cross them stop, back up and drive over them at least one more time. We’re convinced numbers matter and around here we call it our “get gravel” plan.
6. Allow extra time when traveling in a storm and on the opening day of antelope season.
7. Biggest vehicle gets the right-of-way.
8. If you’re coming to see us in the springtime, arrive early and leave late. Ice is your friend.
9. Watch out for the Schwan’s man. He’s out there, and no matter how good we are at resisting ice cream at the local grocery store, we can’t resist the guy in the big refrigerated truck who is willing to conquer our road in all kinds of weather. There’s no limit to where these guys will venture to hock a tub of ice cream!
10. At the end of Wyoming’s many of dirt roads, you’ll find some hardworking folks who truly appreciate life in America and its numerous freedoms. They might even invite you in for a cup of coffee and a tub of Schwan’s finest!
    Here’s wishing you a wonderful 2012! May Wyoming’s dirt roads connect your farm or ranch to strong markets, a growing understanding about agriculture and our way of life, and a growing interest among young people to preserve our customs and traditions. See you on the county road!
    Jennifer Vineyard Womack is executive director of the Wyoming FFA Foundation and a freelance writer. She can be reached at Womack@Wyoming.com or at 307-351-0730.