It’s the Pitts: The color of tractors
by Lee Pitts
I looked around the café, saw the ranchers’ table was filled and then noticed there was a seat at the farmers’ table, so I considered joining them. I mean how bad could it be? So, I went over to the dark side and asked the clodhoppers if they’d mind if I joined them.
“Sure, pull up a seat,” said farmer number one. “We have no prejudices here. Your ball cap may advertise a bull, while mine advertises a CAT. You go to Denver to see all of the newest squeeze chutes, while we go to Tulare’s Farm Equipment Show to see what’s new in heavy metal.”
“Some cattlemen have Red Angus, and we have red tractors,” said farmer number two.
“Yeah,” chimed in farmer number three. “We have a lot in common with you cowpokes. You have trouble finding good cowboys, while we have trouble finding good tractor jockeys. And we’re both in a bad mood when we pour out the rain gauge and four inches of dust falls out.”
“And we’ve been invaded with imports,” said farmer number four. “You have Charolais from France, Simmental from Switzerland and Kobe from Japan, while we have Kubotas from Japan, Argo from Europe and even some John Deere tractors made in China. America is dominated by John Deere green, while registered Black Angus wear the pants in your family.”
I countered, “But many of our Black Angus are bred to cattle of another breed.”
“Are you kidding? Farmers invented crossbreeding,” said farmer number four. “Have you ever heard of a tangelo, a limequat or an orangelo?”
“Yeah,” chimed in farmer number one. “It’s a common sight in farm country to see a green John Deere pulling a blue New Holland baler. If that’s not crossbreeding, I don’t know what is.”
“I’ll tell you what it is,” said the grumpy Oliver guy. “It’s heresy. That’s what it is.”
“It’s just because you’re so red you own 35 antique Oliver tractors,” said the county Extension agent who’d joined us.
“There’s another difference between farmers and ranchers,” he continued. “You don’t see ranchers preserving taxidermy bulls or entering them in the Fourth of July parade. Generally, ranchers don’t have huge shops with bridge cranes, milling machines, expensive tool chests filled with Snap-On tools and piles of used tires everywhere. And, you won’t find any horses on farms much anymore, except in Amish country.”
“Now that I think of it, ranchers and farmers do have some equipment in common,” I said. “We’re both starting to use drones, there’s usually a Bobcat or a mini-excavator on most big ranches, and we both use ATVs.”
I added, “All of us are just like firefighters – we’re always putting out fires. My bull might be shooting blanks, while your tractor may not start. A rancher might have to get up in the middle of the night to check the bred heifers, while a vegetable farmer checks on pumps and generators around the clock.”
“Yeah, I suppose we do have a lot in common,” said farmer number two. “We both get the farm papers to check on prices and read the classified ads. All of us have to worry about being sued into insolvency for salmonella and E. coli, and the product of our toil is hauled to market by Peterbuilts and KWs.”
“We both drive pickups to check on water, and many of us have equipment we use only once a year – farmers their harvesters and ranchers their scales,” farmer number two went on. “All of us pay attention to hay prices and many ranchers stoop so low as to grow their own. We both like auctions where farmers buy big tractors and ranchers buy young bulls and old cows. Both farmers and ranchers take out big bank loans to pay for everything, and we both have no idea how we’ll ever pay it back. And, farmers and ranchers get paid just once a year – if we’re lucky.”
By the end of breakfast with the crazy cultivators, I had gained a new appreciation for them, and we slowly formed an uneasy truce.
I found myself eating breakfast with them more often because my old rancher buddies had banned me from their table for associating with the sod busters. They said I’d need to get all of the requisite vaccinations if I ever wanted to rejoin their table.
